Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
