direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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