me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
