I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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