even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
