my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I didn't notice because vodka
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
