Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
