dude i'm inner monologue high
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
