sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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