Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
