No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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