i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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