Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
