I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
you had me at cake vodka
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
there is puke in my bra ... again
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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