Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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