Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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