i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
So vagazzling was a success
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
