Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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