Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
