dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
