I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
