how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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