I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
