wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
