This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
