she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
