I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
