Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
