I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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