He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
