maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Drunk is a universal language darling
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
