Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
