but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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