btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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