just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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