When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I just want nice things and good sex
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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