She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
