I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
