3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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