I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Ketchup is God's man juice
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
