I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
