If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
