We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
