Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
