did you get engaged???
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
