me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
