His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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