There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
