my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
