I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
