So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
