Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
