She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
