Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
