hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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