my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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