i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
